There's a quickening in the air...more so than merely my life speeding by me, fingernails clinging to any similance of normality...it's more than that, much more. I see connections, synchronicities, a patchwork path that simply seems surreal...so surreal that I wonder if I've lost all sensibilities or am I simply aware of Maya....and lucid dreaming in the dreaming state creates a different reality than I've ever imagined.

I woke up this morning to the sound of the usual song birds, and my quiet crying which is highly unusual. It was one of those nano-moments when the crossover between the dreamworld and "reality" is not really defined and my "dream state" was very very real. As I lay there, thinking about the dream, I wondered which was really the dream or am I merely a dreamer in a nested dream....and how many nests are there to reality. 2000 bits...out of 4 billion. That's a lot of Russian Dolls of Reality....and what's at the center? "me?" And what, pray tell, is that?

Perhaps, merely a kernal of a song...a note, single, pure...waiting to join the symphony and become the passion of the maestro's masterpiece to the Universe.

Bring me to Life...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_/) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb without a soul

my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing I've become

now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch

without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

~~~~~~~~_/) ~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first time I heard this song, it was attached to a sailing video ( Moth Sailing ---seriously kickass cool). ...but the song actually has a Spiritual Connection for me...and to this day, when I hear this, it's completely Spiritual in meaning for me...and makes me feel warm, energized and connected.

I'm reading a new book "Think of an Elephant" by Paul Bailey---and of all the many many books I've read over the years, this one...is like the words have been written to punctuate my thoughts...as disjointed as they may be...surreal.

I'll write more later, I've just gotten back from a whirlwind tour of Florida ---and a variety of stories among them - but getting up at 3:30 this morning to catch my flight has left me less than functional ---so I'm due for a nap and I'm compelled to paint. I feel it building deep within, and I've learned to recognize the futility in supressing it's expression.  I actually stopped by the art supply store to pick up a couple of things...when inspiration wells inside, it's not easily repressed ...and I simply go with the flow as the energy directs me. (ironically, the book talks about this too----so SO me)

This week in Austin, next in Seattle, then back to Ft Lauderdale/Miami and possibly a jaunt to the Bahamas...my home is within now...everywhere and nowhere - everything and nothing.

I am water today. Fluid. But my body is tired, mortal,  still learning to swim in ambiguity...and sans coffee...in need of some divine breath.

Breathe in to me....please.

It's a quiet morning...but the sun, she is smiling down on the office futon and the birds outside are starting their day. It's a great day to be alive, to be healthy, to BE.

I'm back in the office ---living the life of a nomad and realizing my life is rather "fringe" compared to most of the folks I know. I spent the weekend with my sister and her family before heading back to Austin. I simply had to laugh out loud Saturday morning, at the absurdity of my life compared to my sisters. My sister: married, two kids, house in a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood where all the houses blend and neatly kept yards with all the neighborhood kids playing after school in a very very safe neighborhood. I opened the door to the sunny morning street scene to see two of her next door neighbors mowing and sweeping their meticulous yards and sidewalks. I literally felt like I was in Pleasantville or stepped into the set of the Truman show. I so SO SO don't fit into that scene...though I love visiting my sister and spending time with my nieces, I know it's a life path that I will not follow. I'll eventually settle down again, but right now, this is where my path leads me and I've never been a "little pink house with a picket fence" type anyway.  My tapestry isn't woven for that and it did take me years to figure that out and sometimes I still wonder if it's merely a choice. I would presume that it is always a choice ...or at least I used to think so until I read about Benjamin Libet's discovery that the neurons in our brain actually begin reacting BEFORE our mind engages...so the whole "free will" concept is now called into question.

Next week I head to Seattle for a few days...and the next month will be spent mostly on the road, in the air and with customers of varying kind. I do enjoy that, but life right now is a whirlwind and I do feel the need to have some quiet time. I think that's why I enjoy the office at this point ---I have a couple of hours of sheer solitude until the folks start meandering in and the phones begin to ring and chaos that is the day begins. Running in the morning used to give me that...and when I actually LIVED in my house, I had my morning time with the backyard wildlife. I do miss that. I simply need to find a routine amidst the chaos. Maybe a morning meditation would help, though when I'm in San Diego, I begin work as soon as I get up, so I end up working even more. Not really a healthy way to live.

In chaos, there is order...I only need to look at things from a different perspective to see what pattern I've created and find peace in that.

Well, the phones have begun...so much for solitude for this day...