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environmentalism
January 2009 
Work in progress...
Posted on Mar 19th, 2007
by 
Meghan
Meghan
Not quite sure what to make of this yet, but this weekend was a very eventful weekend for me.
I'll put thoughts around this later, when I have more time, but wanted to get them down before they begin to clutter my day...
Friday night - tough night - thinking about the night my sister died and when her last breath was taken, her last heart beat, her energy changed, the amazing peace. Her birthday is exactly a month away...and her death was simultaneously the most excrutiating experience and the greatest gift I will ever receive. I still try to reconcile this...and sometimes find my way bouncing from one to the other. The grieving process is complex, I know, but add to this a spiritual awakening...a profound knowing based on her gift to me, it seems even more insane. I can easily try to categorize it into some psychological pattern, malady, but there seems to be something more...more Jungian and so, my weekend synchronicities are yet to be resolved.
I fell asleep in tears, but woke to the voice of my phone with a pix message from my other sister. The first text/pix message she has ever sent. And it was of my niece - who was born only a week after our sister died...and happens to look exactly like her - blond, blue eyes (when her parents are dark haired, dark eyes). Yea, genes, recessive yada, yada. But it made me smile.
Later in the day, I decided to go to the mall (something I never do - because I get most of my stuff from goodwill)...but I did for a very specific item which I didn't find...but I did find (on my way out) a kiosk of spiritual books/tapes/etc and what caught my eye was a sign at the bottom reading "enlightened?" - I stopped to browse...and the fellow who owned the kiosk came up and we chatted about our readings, our general thoughts and he gave me his card. I told him about zaadz and said I would send him a link of the community. I glanced at his card...and his name was Gabriel. My sister's name? Gabrielle. That made me smile.
But the most phenomenal thing was Sunday as I finished reading Way of the Peaceful Warrior...and wondered if I am indeed insane or creating the illusion that is my reality. It had been cloudy all day and just as I looked out of the window and asked this question out loud, I saw the sun...and most profoundly, a giant swallowtail butterfly float up to the window (the same as January 21st of last year that changed my life)...and flutter there for 5 seconds or so..then float up above the rooftop (just as the one did last year after he spent the weekend with me - and drank water from my hand). Can life be that surreal...or have I truly lost all sensabilities. The fact that I have photos of my mystical house guest from last year leads me to believe that, maybe, just maybe...there is more to this metamorphosis I call my life.
I'll put thoughts around this later, when I have more time, but wanted to get them down before they begin to clutter my day...
Friday night - tough night - thinking about the night my sister died and when her last breath was taken, her last heart beat, her energy changed, the amazing peace. Her birthday is exactly a month away...and her death was simultaneously the most excrutiating experience and the greatest gift I will ever receive. I still try to reconcile this...and sometimes find my way bouncing from one to the other. The grieving process is complex, I know, but add to this a spiritual awakening...a profound knowing based on her gift to me, it seems even more insane. I can easily try to categorize it into some psychological pattern, malady, but there seems to be something more...more Jungian and so, my weekend synchronicities are yet to be resolved.
I fell asleep in tears, but woke to the voice of my phone with a pix message from my other sister. The first text/pix message she has ever sent. And it was of my niece - who was born only a week after our sister died...and happens to look exactly like her - blond, blue eyes (when her parents are dark haired, dark eyes). Yea, genes, recessive yada, yada. But it made me smile.
Later in the day, I decided to go to the mall (something I never do - because I get most of my stuff from goodwill)...but I did for a very specific item which I didn't find...but I did find (on my way out) a kiosk of spiritual books/tapes/etc and what caught my eye was a sign at the bottom reading "enlightened?" - I stopped to browse...and the fellow who owned the kiosk came up and we chatted about our readings, our general thoughts and he gave me his card. I told him about zaadz and said I would send him a link of the community. I glanced at his card...and his name was Gabriel. My sister's name? Gabrielle. That made me smile.
But the most phenomenal thing was Sunday as I finished reading Way of the Peaceful Warrior...and wondered if I am indeed insane or creating the illusion that is my reality. It had been cloudy all day and just as I looked out of the window and asked this question out loud, I saw the sun...and most profoundly, a giant swallowtail butterfly float up to the window (the same as January 21st of last year that changed my life)...and flutter there for 5 seconds or so..then float up above the rooftop (just as the one did last year after he spent the weekend with me - and drank water from my hand). Can life be that surreal...or have I truly lost all sensabilities. The fact that I have photos of my mystical house guest from last year leads me to believe that, maybe, just maybe...there is more to this metamorphosis I call my life.
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